Recently I asked my mom, “Which of the three of us children
were the worst to handle through the years?” Quickly she responded, “You were”.
Honestly I knew her response before I ever asked, it wasn’t a question of
favorites, it was a question of who put her through the rings of fire, tested
her the most, who pushed her to her limit and made her want to scream. The
obvious answer was me. My brother never acted out, he always told on himself
before he could get into trouble, the youngest of us still has some years to
push her buttons, but I highly doubt he’ll beat his sister’s record.
Before graduating I started to mature and grow,
knowing I made poor decisions and realizing I wanted to do better, I guess you
could say that was my first attempt at sobriety. I learned of my real dad’s
addiction problems and continued to tell myself that I didn’t want to be like
him when I grew up, not knowing it was genetic. Thinking I could get away with
drinking and not getting addicted, because his problem was pills I didn’t
consider alcohol to be a problem. Skipping to age 19, here I met a boy, not
just any boy, but you know the one you think is going to be the one. We had
mutual friends that enjoyed throwing parties, so even though we worked
together, most of the times that we hung out was at a party or clubbing,
basically anywhere that alcohol was going to be, so were we. I drank a lot.
Even when I was just with my friends and not him, there was alcohol involved,
still I didn’t see a problem. Through my 20s I continued down this slope, the
boy and I continued to date, eventually moving in together when I was 22. We
became unhealthy sloths. For a couple who used to hit the gym and stay in
shape, only to drink later that night. We gained weight, stayed home on our days
off just drinking, we grew away from our friends and family because unless it
involved alcohol, we weren’t doing it. It was unhealthy and devastating. We
argued constantly which would cause us to drink more, there wasn’t a happy
medium. If he had to work and I was off, he’d come home to me wasted, or vice
versa. This continued for a couple years.
Right before I turned 25, I moved out and into
my own place. Thinking that was one of the best decisions I could have
made, I didn’t know what was to come. 25 was tough for me, I was hurt, broken,
and an even bigger drunk then before. To hide my pain, I would go out and drink
basically every night. There was never just one drink and I was done, I wanted
to feel numb. That year I came to thanksgiving hungover, didn’t show up to
family events because I was more than likely drinking. My closest friends
started questioning my every move, they couldn’t even trust me. My mom and
stepdad got several phone calls a month telling them to come and get me off a
Still, I didn’t see the problem.
26, bought my own house, got a promotion, had
amazing friends, my mom and stepdad were closer with me then they had been, I
had my life together, right? Wrong. I was still drinking every night, being a
closet alcohol, working by day, partying by night. Skipping on bills just so I
could get some beer. Forget just having a single glass of wine.
Not knowing what i was going to find or how this
was going to help me, I went.
Being there was amazing, it was welcoming and
inspiring. I felt like that was where I was meant to be. My mom has gone with
me since day one. And my nana now joins too. The hardest thing to do sober was
telling my nana that I had a problem. Knowing that she is there for me and
continues to join me in my journey alongside my mom, literally excites me. The
past five months have honestly been the best five of my life. I’ve burnt the
bad bridges and built new with my friends and family, I’ve cut out the bad in
my life, found Christ, I now know what I want and can think more clearly with
decisions and this is only the beginning. Knowing I have this amazing support
system that continues to grow, will continue to help me grow. Who knew a good
blow to the face could literally knock some sense into you. All of this
couldn’t have been done without Celebrate Recovery, it has changed my